Two of my friends and I have started a bible study group together. We meet once a week and each other's houses and eat dinner in addition to our devotional time. Our husbands also join us, but they do their own group thing. We met for the first time last night, March 12, 2012.
My friends and I chose the book Courageous for Women as our first devotional book to study, and I am so glad because I absolutely love it! The first section of the book that we covered last night spoke to me in ways you wouldn't believe, and I feel led to share some of it on my blog. Maybe some other people can relate to the things I felt. And more importantly, maybe others can pray for me as I struggle with the topic of this week's devotion... contentment!
Just to give you an overview of the devotion, it was from the perspective of a woman on her 35th birthday. She was at her own birthday party, and was barley nibbling on her birthday cake (afraid to indulge), when she noticed a lady about 20 years older than her scrapping the last few crumbs off of her plate. The older lady noticed the birthday girl watching her as she savored each bite. The older lady laughed and went on to explain how at this point in her life, she had finally learned to savor every moment. I know you are probably thinking "what does this have to do with contentment?" Well, the older lady went on to explain how she had never been a fully content person... All of her life, she never lived in "the moment". Instead, she kept living for the next big event... Never satisfied with the reality around her. She talked about how as a young girl she couldn't wait to become a teenager and get her drivers licence. Then, once she was in college, she couldn't wait to graduate, get married, because that was when "real life" would begin. After she met her husband, she barley enjoyed the happy times of being a newlywed before she was longing for children. Once her children arrived, she found herself wishing the days away for milestones in their lives, not to mention for bedtime to hurry up and get there so she could finally rest herself. Before she even knew it, her kids were grown and the best years of her life were over....
She said that on that day she realized how discontent she had been all of her life, and it was too late to get that time back. Her advice to the birthday girl (woman) was to stop worrying about the little things (calories in the cake), and stop rushing her life away waiting for the next big event, but instead realize that every day is a blessing, and usually, its not until its gone that you realize how wonderful it really was.
This devotion hit me like a ton of bricks! I have always struggled with contentment... Not so much with material things (however, that is something I feel like people, including myself, are never satisfied with), but more so with not appreciating the time I am living.
A good example of this would be how a few weeks ago I was sick, so I stayed home to go to the doctor. On my way through town I happened to drive by ABAC, and it was lunch time. All of the college students were heading out to lunch. This brought back a lot of memories for me. I thought about how five years earlier, my friends and I probably would have been on our way to Chik-fil-a, Asahi, Sonny's, or Pit Stop to stuff our faces. We had the best time in college, just being together. Being in that environment again made me long to go back in time and be there again with my friends! Right then I thought about how sad it was that I didn't realize how good things were then, like I do now. Why is it that we do not realize we are living "the best days of our life" while we are living them. I am not saying those were the best days, in fact, if you think about it, just about everything in the past could be considered "our best times". Believe me, I had NO idea those days at ABAC, would be times I cherished... But they are.
In fact, at that point in my life I was depressed thinking I would never meet the man I was suppose to marry. I looked around at all of the happy couples and people getting engaged, and wanted it so bad. All I wanted to do was meet someone amazing, and get married. Then, finally, I met Matthew, and he truly was EVERYTHING I ever dreamed about. But yet again, instead of enjoying those special times with me and Matthew dating, I was so eager to get married. That was all I could think about. I wouldn't be happy until he proposed... Then, once he proposed, I didn't even let myself enjoy being engaged... I rushed right on through it with planning and stressing....I look back at those times at the beginning of our relashionship and just smile. We were the cheesiest but sweetest couple. We could not get enough of each other. Even though we lived in two different cities we saw each other every single day. I miss the days of laying on the couch at his parents and watching movies, riding the tractor, tickle matches, riding around just to talk, and basically just enjoying being together. Now, those times really could be considered "my best times", and I would kill to go back to them again!
We are now newly weds, and though unexpected, we are about to have a baby. We are so eager to meet our son, Sumner. After reading this week's devotion, I realized I am still not content. I am so excited about meeting him that I am not enjoying this special time of being pregnant. After every doctor's visit, I am already counting down the days until the next one, because that means I will be one month closer to having him. I've talked to a lot of people who say once they have their baby, they actually miss being pregnant. I am sure I will be that way, too. Instead of enjoying the process of decorating his bedroom, I am letting it become a burden because I cannot find anything I like. Instead of enjoying the perks of being pregnant, and being able to eat supposedly without guilt, I cringe every time I see the numbers go up on the scale. Instead of enjoying the special attention, I complain about the little aches and pains... I feel so guilty for not appreciating the awesome blessing God has given me and enjoying this very special time in mine and Matthew's lives.
This lesson taught me that I need to STOP and enjoy my life, because before long, I will look back and wonder where all the time went. I want to be content with the present, and not longing for the things of the future. I want to enjoy and cherish each day, because I know one day, the days I am living now will be the "best days".
Discontentment can come in many forms, and this is just one form I am sharing today. But no matter how you look at it, it is a very bad thing, and I know it hurts God. I pray that I really can be a fully content person. I have so many things to be grateful for, and so many wonderful times I need to stop and enjoy. Please pray for me that I will find this peace and be the person God wants me to be in every aspect of my life!
1 Timothy 6:6-12
6 But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7 For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8 But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 9 Those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. 10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
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